Monthly Archives: September 2009

Whinge

As referred to over in Otterkat, things have been kind of tough around here lately (“here” being Chez Crazy, abode of Tuxedo and myself) due to major health crises;  redundancy and fruitless job search – due to the total lack of  an IT job market it should be said and nothing to do with the brilliance of my man;  battling the dragon of government welfare agencies and trying to get the support and the pension to which I’m entitled;  adjusting to the new World Order and our new circumstances;  and mostly, realising how absolutely mind-blowingly lucky, fortunate and happy we really are.

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So – the aforementioned health crises.

Basically my pain levels went into overdrive mode back in April, and kept on going up and up and up.  The pain was excruciating, especially in my neck and head – goddamn occipital nerves and wobbly joints! – so I was doing a lot of writhing around screaming.  And not in a good way. 

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MAC birthday makeover

For my birthday this year Tuxedo was stuck for ideas – which has to be the first time ever! – and came to me for advice.  I decided I’d like a bit of girliness; some pretty shiny new skin care products and a MAC makeover, including a bunch of products.  Tuxedo was more than happy with  this idea; he figured I needed some pampering and pretty stuff after the previous few months of blah (which continued for a while afterward, but the birthday really cheered me up).

I’m pretty low maintenance in my skin care routine – oh I do all the cleansing and serums and moisturisers and sunscreen – but once I find a set of products I really like I tend to stick with them, and not try others that might be just as good.  This is mostly down to budgetary means; I don’t have the budget / finances to play around, so for my birthday I wanted to get a few “extras” to add into my bag o’ stuff.  Me being me, naturally I did lots of research, much making of lists, culling down of list, more research etc etc (“Hello, my name is Jules, and I’m anal retentive”).

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Compliment of the year?

I think I had the best compliment on my looks, precisely one week before my fortieth birthday.

Please note:  I was wearing spectacles, barely any make up, just eye liner and mascara, a bit of powder and a slick of lip gloss.  Hair loose and half way down my back.  Pretty much screamed WYSIWYG basically.

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So there I was at the Chanel counter in David Jones, spraying on Chanel’s “Coco Mademoiselle” with growing certainty that this was the new scent for me.

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Square one

Yes, yes I know.  I’m not even going to apologise for disappearing for so long.  It happens, that’s all there is to it.  The last couple of months have simply been really, really rough, even in comparison to the normal roughing and toughing it out that’s my life.

The biggest thing – that is, I guess, having a cumulative effect on everything else – is that Tux was made redundant at the beginning of April.  This came as a huge shock;  he went into work on a Monday morning as usual and half an hour into typing up his daily report received a tap on his shoulder from his boss.  Half an hour after that he was being escorted from the building, along with about fifteen others.  (Tux did notice when he came into the office that there were a lot of empty chairs … ) 

So major health emergencies;  financial woes,;  work search;  non-existent IT Job markets, blahness.  Tux took it all pretty hard at first, with me doing the Tower Of Strength thing, taking my turn in being the one being leant on and giving pep talks, keeping spirits up. 

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Crazy Diamond 101

UPDATE MAY 2010

Otterkat is now officially my old blog:   Crazy Diamond is where I post everything now.  You can still check out old Otterkat posts though (if you are bored enugh …) ;  it’s there linked in my blogroll.

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So here’s the thing;  Otterkat wasn’t working that well for me.  I wasn’t posting much at all because I was self-censoring.  Entries just didn’t gel or meld in with the rest of the “style” in fact there was no “style” or over-arching thematic structure or somesuch shite.  Yes I’m eclectic but there was happy horsie stuff and recipes and girly entries, mixed in with manic rants and depressing and introspective posts.  The health issue ie The Collection was the major problem;  if I blogged daily it would be “Tuesday:  screaming pain.  Wednesday:  screaming pain, puking.  Thursday:  screaming pain, puking, vertigo, fuck I’m fed up.”  That would get somewhat monotonous, I believe.

To that end I’ve split Otterkat into two, one part remaining as Otterkat, which will comprise the lighter side, viz a viz entries on horses, kittens, make up and skin care and other female stuff, cooking, books, rainbows and butterflies and unicorns / pegasi et al.

 The other part is this, Crazy Diamond, named after the Pink Floyd song and the lyric of which (“Shine on you crazy diamond”) Tux had laser engraved on my iPod, from which one surmises that the “crazy diamond” is me, and “shining on” is me trying to get through the days as a physically disabled, emotionally / mentally complex, slightly bitter mess.

Sooooo here is where you will find the existential manic rants, the whinge-ing and the majority of swear words.  There will of course be hiatuses (hiati?) and I will not apologise for those.  That gets really, really boring; anyway Tux is trying very hard to train me out of apologising all the damn time so this here may be a good place to practice.

I’m hoping the actual writing and externalising of all the crap will help keep my head together.  I’m also hoping that it will act as a starting point from which to connect and network with and create a support structure with other people sort-of-kinda-ish like me;  disabled / restricted / just a bit messed up who want to be identified as far, far more than the sum of their circumstances, who are wrestling with the usual human daily problems and minutiae as well as the big-picture stuff. 

What that all really means I don’t know yet.  I don’t know if it will work but I know that I need an outlet for some of the issues I’m struggling with whilst feeling isolated and remote.  So we’ll see . . .