For the love of spandex (Lycra)

Cyclists get a lot of flack for the weird outfits they wear; even I have commented herein on my beloved’s penchant for wearing more Lycra than I do, in neon shades to boot.  In recent days, one of my guilty online pleasures, Pink Is The New Blog has drooled (as well they should!) over Jake Gyllenhall and his friendship with new cycling-buddy Lance Armstrong; they have however been less than complimentary about the amount of spandex (American for Lycra) worn.

I have news for Pink Is The New Blog, and anybody who is interested in/partnered with a male cyclist; be very, very grateful for all that Lycra.  Embrace it.  Learn to love it!  For not only does that stretchy fabric look rather nice stretched over tight muscled cyclists’ legs, arms and chests (siiiiiigh) it also protects and ensures one’s relationship with said cyclist.

Have you ever looked at those berloody SEATS on those whizzbang carbon-fibre tri- or road bikes?  A turkey’s wishbone is more comfortable, and less wince-worthy, no matter how ergonomic or gel-covered aforementioned seat may be.  Now imagine a poor male human’s tender dangly bits in contact with such a contraption. Yes, ow.

Cycling gear takes care of all that.  Cycle shorts have ingeniously engineered padding around and amidships the area in question. The tightness and stretchiness of the Lycra fabric helps keep the padding and the wearer’s tender bits in place, so there’s less rubbing and shifting. Which saves not only pain, chafing, oozing saddle-sores and other delights; it saves ….

… well. 

Put it this way.  Cycling without adequate and engineered padding causes gradual desensitisation of those precious bits and eventually, the ability to get it up altogether.  Let’s not even talk about the health of the poor little wriggly spermies. 

Now who’s laughing at that weird gear?  You wanna lose your manliness and disappoint your partner? Go ahead, wear boxers and cargo pants, see if I care. Me, I’m off to visit Assos and buy my energetic, enthusiastic demon lover some more bib shorts, three-quarter knicks and maybe some booties (cos his toesies get cold too). It’s in my interest, after all. 

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  • k0rs0  On Tuesday 1 August 2006 at 5:27 pm

    Could not agree more, additionally, Assos padding is stretchy which makes it really comfy!

  • Jules  On Wednesday 2 August 2006 at 5:24 pm

    It’s excellent quality gear too – well worth the price.

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