Addicted to cantering

 

After a long break from riding (two months or so due to the school holidays) I was really excited to get back to the centre and “my ponies” in mid-February.  As you can imagine I’d missed riding and hanging around horses like crazy – and I’m not convinced the long break and lack of horsey-time didn’t exacerbate the seriously yueerk pain and unpleasantness I trudged through in November / December / January. 

My main “goals” for this year’s riding are just to continue improving my riding, my seat and position, core strength and general skill set, and also to master cantering.  I’d had a few canters in 2008 but didn’t feel I’d “got” the pace, the rhythm or what the heck my own body was doing.  During those half dozen or so canters I’d been mostly in a wheeeee state of mind; I wanted to get serious and (a) do a lot more cantering and (b) know what I was doing and develop a good seat and control in that pace, work on transitions etc.

Update March ‘09

Hmmm, yes, well, haven’t written anything here since January (o mea culpa) and while I’ve sat down to post many times the words just haven’t made the transition from brain to keypad.  Let’s face it, it’s been a tough few months and I am not a good conversationalist in these sorts of circumstances.

So … Lashings of pain / health crap / associated unpleasantness, nothing new there but it was really doing my head in, turning it to mush and sparking off other kinds of ickiness.  Item 1:  Early in February (I think) my specialist decided to try me on anti-seizure meds, which are supposed to help with extreme neuropathic pain.  Did they work?  Don’t make me laugh.  After three weeks there’d been no reduction in pain, they induced a really weird and horrible emotional  / mental state, and the worst bit, totally killed off my libido.  This last was the worst;  I wasn’t “only” uninterested in sex / love-making, I couldn’t bear any physical contact at all.  Very, very strange for what is usually a most tactile creature.

Needless to say I chucked the medication but the damage was done;  I was in a fine ol’ state of absolute existential despair and death of joy.   I can’t talk about it because it’s still going on (and on), although slightly reduced in the last couple of weeks, it’s just always there and it’s horrible.  I want to cry like, all the time, and occasionally I succumb but not around Tux because he hates it (because he’s a guy and guys want to fix things and he can’t fix this thing or me) and anyway it’s pointless and I don’t feel any better afterward.  You know how sometimes a good cry can be kind of cleansing?  This aint.

And on top of, or mixed in with all that, is my body, or hormones or biological clock or whatever, is SCREAMING babybabybaby, which is and has always been totally out of the question.  Yes, it’s very sad, and while I’ve always recognised that it wasn’t going to be a possibility for me, knowing I / we can’t have the option of even trying or thinking about options when we’d really like to (because [a] the whole pregnancy thing might kill me or leave me even more disabled; [b] how can I look after an infant when 90% of the time I’m so ill I can barely look after myself?; and [c] what if we had a baby and it had EDS et al which is highly likely, how would I feel?) is really, really hurting just now.  Horribly.  Gah, can’t explain it.

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And THEN, on top of all THAT, are my issues with weight.  I’ve gained so much weight in the last couple of years, due to all the stupid medical procedures (that didn’t work anyway) and medication (ditto) and I can’t fit into the jeans that three years ago I could wriggle out of without undoing the button.  It’s odd, I was always so full of the body-hatred thing, and avoided mirrors and all that, so I have no real idea what I actually looked like, but looking at and measuring my clothes from the 90s and early 00s I was obviously teeny and slender and buff and had a really cute bod.  Now?  Not so much. 

And knowing I look (and FEEL) like a baby hippo is feeding into the despair like so many tributaries into the Amazon . . . And you know, it’s really tricky to get ultra fit and buff and cute again when you spend 90% of your time in bed screaming and crying in pain and being zombied out on Class A drugs (that aren’t even FUN, for feck’s sake like).  So woe is me and all that.  Bleaugghhhhhh.

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So I’m sorry for the doom and gloom;  I’ll try and get up a few harmless fun posts about horses and cats and fitness routines soon to bury this one.  Hang in there.

Festivities – happy everything, everyone!

Yeah yeah yeah I’m a bit slow off the block, I admit:

Here’s wishing you and yours the very best for a fantastic, joyful, much-loved and loving, healthy, and dream-fulfilling 2009.

So did everyone have a good Christmas and New Year’s Eve – or however you celebrate this time of year?  Tux and I, being the dedicated atheists / pagans we are, had a pretty low-key festive period.

Riding wrap up 2008

2008 will be remembered as an exciting and happy year, regardless of poor health and pain issues and financial crises: we became home owners and I got back into horse-riding. 

I feel really pleased and proud of myself for what I’ve achieved this year in regard to horse-riding; for taking that chance and leaping into it, for working hard, loving it, and ultimately finding it so rewarding and fulfilling.

To summarise;  I got on a horse again for the first time in 22 years [give or take a year or so] back in March and was instantly as hooked as when I was 15, despite the physical challenges I faced this time around; both age- and health-related.

Christmas WHAT? When did it get to be December already?

What do you mean, it’s almost Christmas?  25 December indeed;  what the feck happened to November? *

So yeah, Christmas.  I am really not ready for it, it’s not my favourite time of year at any point in time, let alone sneaking up on me in such a sly fashion.  Okay so I am / was kinda out of the whole festive seasonal loop but still. Bastard.

So why am I so Scrooge / Grinch-like about Christmas?  Same reason everyone else is, I guess.  The crass in-your-face materialism, the gross conspicuous expenditure, the fake jollity and playing at Happy Families.  The expectations and pressures and lots of old emotional baggage associated with the holiday.

US election 2008

I believe it would be quite remiss of me NOT to make some kind of intimation that the US Presidential Election took place and had an absolutely bloody brilliant result, don’t you?

The US system of candidate nomination, primaries and the Grand Final, over what seems an inordinately long period of  time, seems exceedingly odd to those of us brought up with the Westminster System . . . which is really the basis of the US system of course, with the two Houses et al, but where did all that primaries stuff come from? 

It makes absolutely no sense and it’s main purpose seems to be to divide the parties [eg, Democrats into Hillary vs Barack supporters; aren’t they all on the same side?  FFSL] and bore the population to tears, with campaigning so far in advance of the Presidential Election that by the time that day in November rolls around no one no-one can be buggered to turn out to vote.

I am cringingly ashamed of my ignorance;  obviously someone needs to explain this to me.  Please be gentle. 

You can all come back now . . .

 . . . I’ve finished with all the girly stuff [for a bit, anyway].

I really am sorry about all that  – I had drafts of most of those posts, and as I was having a crap week pain-wise* I figured rather than go into extended-hiatus-mode I’d pop them up as filler.  I just couldn’t seem to find an appropriate time to post the product reviews and the Best-Of make up series, since I’m not a dedicated beauty blogger they seem a little out of place!

Make up, she wrote – Part II

Herewith Part II of the post on my absolute favourite can’t-live-without cosmetic products.  Part I was all about the face – concealer, foundations, powder, blush and highlighters.  I continue on with eyes, lips and make up tools.

EYES

Mascara:  Max Factor Masterpiece MAX Mascara  [Black]  [I believe this is called Lash Perfection in the USA]

I’m addicted to thick, curly, blacker-than-black lashes.  As I was blessed at birth with white-blond eyelashes [admittedly long and curly], mascara is a necessity lest I look like the White Rabbit.  I also wear contact lenses and have medium-sensitive eyes, so it’s essential to find products that don’t contain nylon fibres which happily flake into the eyes all day long, a formula that doesn’t glug into the eyes, get absorbed by the lens and result in blurry cloudy eyesight – not to mention the risk of bacteria and infection.  Mmm conjunctivitis.  Maybelline Full & Soft and DIOR Diorshow were my favourite mascaras for ages but they weren’t perfect. 

Make up, she wrote – Part I

It’s hardly a secret here that I love love love make up and skin care, playing with powders and paints and ever-so-pretty colours [am such a kid].   Conversely, I have zero interest in fashion or clothing beyond adequate coverage of my cute self, which is kinda weird.  And as for hair – well, I’m a wash n wear girl, no product overload and flat-ironing or what-have-you for me.  Just the make up and lotions and potions, please and thank you.

I was a late developer in the area of make up as in many others [puberty at 16?] which meant I bypassed some of the less fortunate aspects of the 1980s, heavy stripes of unblended blue and pink eye shadow, white lipstick and goopy cheap lip gloss.  When I was ready to get into make up and skin care, I went straight for the good stuff and learnt how to apply it correctly.

My tastes and preferences have changed over the years, but my basic policy remains the same.  I spend my money carefully regardless of brand name and hype;  I keep my “collection” minimal;  and I am beyond sceptical when it comes to outrageous advertorial claims by cosmetic companies.  I’m loyal to lines that deserve it by being tops in quality.  I don’t mind the spend so long as I get good bang for my buck.  So to speak. 

Product reviews – Skin care – Body

So continuing on in girly vein, here’s a few reviews of my favourite products for skin care – body.  I have a very basic routine and set of products from which I rarely deviate.  I have very sensitive skin [of course I do] that’s inclined to get horridly itchy and dry, due mostly to the large doses of morphine and other delightful prescription medications I have to take.  So even though I occasionally long for all those pretty- pretty bottles full of beautifully scented bath and shower delights [L’Occitane and Origins, I’m looking at you, you bastards, why do you have to use SLSs and parabens and all that gross stuff?] I don’t purchase them because I know too well how unfortunate the results will be, and how long my skin will take to recover.